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Wedding bells and winter swells [Oct. 29th, 2013|10:56 pm]
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[Current Location |home]
[mood |betrayed]
[music |Carnival Of The Animals, Zoological Fantasy For 2 Pianos & Ensemble by Saint-Saens, Camille on Maria Kliegel, Saint-Saëns: Cello Concertos Nos. 1 & 2]

Years, tears, fears
She smooshed
we missed
I'll never hear
"they kissed"
lost in post
my nuptial invitation

too late the solemn cry,
drowned the dream of love redeemed.
why would we reach out our souls?
why stretch thin the skin over our hearts so tender
offered up my love in absent surrender?
lies the media told and lies i forever hold
dark deeds committed in hope of light
the orchestra plays no strings tonight
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ARPAWOCKY [Jul. 7th, 2008|01:50 pm]
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Twas brillig, and the Protocols
Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
All mimsey was the FTP,
And the RJE outgrabe,

Beware the ARPANET, my son;
The bits that byte, the heads that scratch;
Beware the NCP, and shun
the frumious system patch,

He took his coding pad in hand;
Long time the Echo-plex he sought.
When his HOST-to-IMP began to limp
he stood a while in thought,

And while he stood, in uffish thought,
The ARPANET, with IMPish bent,
Sent packets through conditioned lines,
And checked them as they went,

One-two, one-two, and through and through
The IMP-to-IMP went ACK and NACK,
When the RFNM came, he said "I'm game",
And sent the answer back,

Then hast thou joined the ARPANET?
Oh come to me, my bankrupt boy!
Quick, call the NIC! Send RFCs!
He chortled in his joy.

Twas brillig, and the Protocols
Did USER-SERVER in the wabe.
All mimsey was the FTP,
And the RJE outgrabe.

Reproduced with permission D.L. COVILL
RFC 527
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Been a Long Time... [Oct. 13th, 2007|02:04 am]
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Wall of Text Warning

Lit a candle fire rememberance. And I smell a little like a lemonade fast. 10 days in and I'm walking through walls. You should try it. Burned up a fatty bowl conversation. 2am. Once again... Warm breeze smells of coconut shell jewlery. Leads to my sticky fingers and constant washing. Washing clothes and never being naked. What the hell have you done since I went AFK on IRL. Ain't Nobody Groking me now. Gone is the hype, the party and the Fight the hate. Who remembers P.L.U.R. People and PeckerWood!'s. Has mainland Americas changed so much in my absences? Not a real question anyways. Your news broadcasts are a taundry brush for us. Didactict prose roughly injected with the ratings bump of the lowest common denominator. Smells of B-B-Q injected, organicly grown family bonds. Signs of our burgeoning cultural identity. Yeah, I said "our" cause I belong to the American Family. Even though I'm like the distant cousins that moved away and doesn't write. I grew up in the streets in America. And I wasn't one of the violent ones, though I did laugh my ass off at some of the violent things my best friends did. It still makes me chuckle. Growing up in the streets was actually a step up for us. Before that we lived in a car, then back alleys. Even then I had a tough time sleeping. Who knows what I would'a written if I had a laptop back then, Exspansive rantings of days events on the hot concrete decks of our public schools and exspulsion from L. Ron Hubbard Street Elementary School at age 6 for convincing 2 of the girls from the Third Grade class to take thier clothes off and rub themselves on me. Back then the Dean was still allowed to beat kids when they where bad. But I had a signed note saying they couldn't hit me. Instead they where required to call my Mom who would leave early from work and immediately come and beat my ass in front of the Dean. Man that part really sucked. At home you just got the belt when you where bad. But if you fucked up in public you could get hit with a paddle. Or if you're bad enough... anything that wasn't tied down could be coming your way. Heh. Made you quick I'll tell you that much. It's time to start worrying about the next generation though. Enough of the kids I meet are just enough "slow" that I don't think they're safe to leave alone unatended. Life should be tough. It needs a song of it's own. Maybe a deep, slow jazz; a punk beat emo ballad, or anything really. Long as life has got soul. Soul and sometimes a little time to read inside the lines. Cause I write truth in lines. You don't have to read between them.

Anyways surfs coming up in a few hours. 2-3ft with the ocasional pluses. (Pluses ALWAYS make it worth it)

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Neural Intesive Care Unit [May. 29th, 2006|10:02 pm]
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My uncle Father James Anguy was in a car accident last night. My auntie Riri called me and I raced to the hospital. He was driving over the Pali pass into Wailuku to serve mass in a church there. Little is known about the crash, but it was a single vehicle crash. He wrapped his car around a telephone pole. It was so damaged they had to cut him out of it. He was unconscious and noon-responsive at the scene. The where unable to intubate and had to transport him to Queens Medical Hospital.

After I heard the report I walked into his room while they where still working on him. The image of his shattered head won't go away. Words like "multiple occipital fractures" and "frontal bone removal" fish-hook into the meat of my mind and will not leave. His eyes look red and open until I realized it was actually the bloody muscles laid bare above where his cheeks used to be. His body lashing out with strength but no direction was... disturbing. In every sense of the word, it disturbed me. I made a deal a long time ago with my God. But days like this I'm happy that others didn't make the same deal and they can pray for my uncle. He's needing it right now.

Keep the Dream alive
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Unconquerable Will [May. 21st, 2006|12:18 am]
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[music |SURFNET Radio: Dance]

When I was 4 years old my mother took me to a hospital so a doctor could give me a shot for an ailment I didn't need a shot for. When we got there I fought so hard against them that they could not conquer me with their own hands. They brought me to a room with a large wood and leather instrument designed to immobilize a persons arm so that doctors could administer injections no matter what convulsion may occur. They made me look into this room at the large table this monstrous device was attached to and told me if I did not let them give me the shot I would be summarily strapped in and forced to let them. I told them they would never give me that shot. When they tried to bind me to the instrument I fought so well that I was able to slip out of every restraint. When they finally tired enough my mother offered to bring me back the next day to try. We never returned to that hospital.

Stories like this speckle my past like a sun-tickled 5 year olds face swinging under a tree on a breezy Sylmar summer day. They build my character to the collection of neurosis we have before us today. Now that I am grown I have found that there are indeed people that can be stronger then me. Not everyone can be dominated like that hapless doctor and my mother. But maybe I would have been a more contented person if I had discovered that earlier in life. Mayhap a stronger hand from my father would have left me in a state that would have be more conducive to accepting other peoples small weaknesses.

*** *** ***

Maybe, but fuck them if others cant find it in themselves to be the ultimate person they are capable of being. It ain't that hard to live The Life Impeccable. Shit, millions of religious teachers (famous and unknown alike) have been telling people exactly how to do it for all of human history. All it takes is an unconquerable will.
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Nerd by proxy [May. 20th, 2006|03:45 pm]
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Friend of mine posted this on her blog, and I have stolen it for our own dorky pleasure.

for the annual Washington Post's mensa invitational...where they asked the readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition.

so without further adieu...here are the winners...

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3 Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky with a member the opposite sex

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. (sorry, too tasteless to pass on).

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
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The Path [May. 20th, 2006|03:33 am]
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Got a blast from my past last night. Someone found a relative of mine in myspace and tracked me down through him. Apparently the people I loved still love me. But this...


My cross-roads is here. I want to pick back up with them. All of them. I miss the comfort of having people understand me or of having them at least try to. But going back to that life would mean changing things around here. I'm lost here. But I know the question to ask at least.

Should I accept the way my life is now and continue down this path to mundane but certain, or leave this comfort and reach again for what I want; but may not get?

Should I gamble away the life I've got now? I have a girl that has no idea who sleeps in the bed next to her. An apartment that is nothing like what I want it to be, but at least it's shelter. A job that affords me just enough to survive if I drown myself in the virtual world of online games. I have a life that fulfills none of my dreams, but at least fills my belly.

"You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need"

Do I need to fulfill my dreams? NEED? Should I cast off the clutt in my life and reach for stars? If I fail I could be alone till the end of my days. I'm not young anymore. I want kids one day. But not to bring them up this way. In a single bedroom apartment with a mother incapable of caring for anything but her Coach and Prada.

What do you think? Is it worth it to follow your dreams? To reach for the pot at the end of the rainbow? Am I just getting old and reaching for past glories? Shouldn't I look past my childhood dreams and embrace what is now making me happy?
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One Low Monthly Price [May. 12th, 2006|02:02 am]
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Greek Orthodox Catholics believe that God is all that is good and fullfilling in the world. This makes the definition of Hell: Existance in a place without God. I've been thinking about that in our day to day life. I believe that living without God would be a place being away from the one thing you cannot live without. I've searched most of my life to discover exactly the shape of my u;timate desire. In a sordid way I've been seeking the agony of the single source of pain that I cannot bear. To prove maybe that there is none. That there is a point within myself that will never be consumed by pain or loss.

I've been trying to become immune to Hell.
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Are you SAD? [Mar. 4th, 2006|04:52 am]
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[music |#Musik.Raw on RauteMusik.FM]

There is actually a disorder called Seasonal Affective Disorder (or SAD). At it's core is really that you haven't seen sunlight in a few months and you're feeling sad. Isn't it cute how the scientific community made it an "Affective" disorder so it would be that awesome acronym? Wanna know it's symptoms?

Increased need for sleep
Decreased levels of energy
Weight gain
Increase in appetite
Difficulty concentrating
Increased desire to be alone

Um.. doesn't that describe most people when it's cold and sunless outside? Don't every single one of those symptoms also occur wit just about every other disease including like 10 different kinds of CANCER? Can we get a little bit more specific please?

Wanna know how to treat it?

Research now shows that light therapy is an effective treatment for SAD. Sometimes antidepressant medicine is used alone or in combination with light therapy. Spending time outdoors during the day can be helpful, as well as maximizing the amount of sunlight you're exposed to at home and in the office.

Don't think I'm callous towards people that suffer from real physiological disorders but... GET THE FUCK UP AND GO OUTSIDE IF YOU FEEL DEPRESSED!

Jeesus fucking christ on the cross screaming to god. Do we have to hide everything behind jargon? How pansy of a doctor do you have to be not be able to just say "You need sunlight. Go outside more, You'll feel better in no time." When did they make this shit up?
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Emancipation Proclamation [Mar. 4th, 2006|04:35 am]
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[music |Brooks and Dunn. Surprise! Hill Billy Rockstar!]


Thoughts of the day that lead to me reading the Emancipation Proclimation at 4:02am on a wet and thundery Honolulu spring night.

There are no black students in my nieces Honors English class.

Dear Memory of a Dream, I miss you. I read about you in the bits and code. I hate that you showed me beauty. i hate that I can only now appreciate life in beuty. And more then anything I hate that you didn't trust me. You didn't think I would ever see it.

Dear Dream, You don't exist. You are just a memory.

I have a nickname in the video game that I play. I made it up when I was eleven. I pray to the Gods of Google and they tell me that it is actually the name of a caste in a specific valley in Thailand. they are Hindus and Buddhists. They have a single occupation, and that is coppersmithing.

I am indeed one of THOSE PEOPLE. The ones that live in a virtual world not of thier own creation. www.crazedanarchy.com

And my final thought is that I don't like this anymore. I gave up travel and adventure for a warm roof and a friday night regular date. 10 years from now I won't have grown. I'll just have adapted. growth happens inside and affects your world around you. Adaptaion is changing your insides to deal with the world around you. Pride pushes me to disrupt this. I see that I have fought hard for this stagnation. I see that I am capable of more. I will not accept that this is the story I write. I. I. I. Eye. Hai. Aye.

The punching bag in the corner admits to me that people fear. They don't growl and bark anymore. That wold be way too honest. have you ever tried to lie when growling at a person? A bark is pure emotion. Anger, fear, domination, warning, even as a call to your friends; a bark cannot lie or be misinterpreted.

My chair sits in the middle of my room. It is both the central furniture that all eyes are drawn to when they enter the room and also the one place that a person can sit and not be able to see everyone else. A person standing at the window looking out at the Ala-Wai would be invisible to me. I only smell his cigarette.
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